Battle of Revenge! and some Romance?
by pinoychick101
Summary: It started off as a simple prank, but it's evolving into something more... (Suckish summary, but it's simple and to the point. Used to be titled "CAUTION: Permanent Marker and a Flame Alchemist".) Jean Havoc X OFC NOT. YAOI. DO. NOT. ASSUME. (ON HIATUS STARTING 10/21/13)
1. Havoc and I pull a prank

**Hello My Fanfictioners!**  
**I recently remembered a convo I had with my-**  
**Okay hold up. I'm hoping most of you have read " Wonders of a Glue Bottle"**  
**If not, this plot happened in the same class, just on a diffrent day.**  
**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS!**  
**The only thing I own is my OC.**  
**I also have an FMA fic in progress, but the OC will be-**  
**Bah, Nevermind. Whatever. **  
**LET'S BEGIN SHALL WE!  
(P.S. My OC is a girl! Major Kris Hastens)**

"I can't take this anymore!"

I slump my head down on my desk, which is covered in paperwork.

"You're gonna have ta get used to it, Kris. The Colonel is always forcing his paperwork on us."

I shift my head to the side and see Jean leaning back in his chair, an unlit cigarette hanging in the corner of his mouth. His arms are crossed over his broad chest, and he closes his eyes for a few moments.

"Don't let the Lieutenant catch you sleeping, Jean. She might just add more work on our plates."

I look to my right and see Kain pushing his glasses up on his face, they most likely slipped lower due to all the papers he has to look down at. I prop my head up on my elbows and peer at Falman, who's continuing his work.  
_Typical, he's always doing what he's asked to do._

"Vato, do you have a life outside of work?"

"What?! What makes you think that?"

He looks up at me, and I can't help but laugh at the surprise in his voice. I pick my pen up and point the nub at him, saying,

"It's just that you always do the paperwork without as much as a single complaint out of you. So, I thought I would just ask."

"I do have a life, thank you very much!"

He exclaims, but Breda, Kain, Jean and I all share a glance with each other. Vato gives a suspicious look and comments,

"What are you guys talking about?"

"You have no life, we all know it. So don't lie."

The four of us say at somewhat the same time. Falman just rolls his eyes and tosses a crumpled up peice of paper at my head. I catch it and toss it into the waste basket by Roy's desk. It falls in and I cheer softly, and I notice something odd. I poke Jean, who opens his eyes groggily and croaks,

"Wha?"

I point towards Roy's desk and he looks over to it, before turning back to me and grinning evily. Breda seems to notice, as he says,

"What's up Havoc?"

"We got a sleeper."

Breda looks towards the desk too, his grin wide. He throws a potato chip from his opened bag at Kain and then gestures to Roy. Kain does and he instantly looks concerned.

"Don't do it guys. What if Lieutenant Hawkeye comes in? I don't want to get on her bad side."

"You worry too much, Furey. Just relax and let Kris and I handle this."

I look at Jean and exclaim,

"What do you mean, 'Let Kris and I handle this'? Do you plan on the Colonel and the Lieutenant kicking our asses over what you plan on doing?!"

He chuckles and opens a drawer on his small cubicle like desk. He pulls out a permanent marker and stands, snagging my arm and tugging me after him.

"Jean! Wait! I!"

He clamps a hand over my mouth and says quietly,

"Shh! Do you wanna wake him up?"

I shake my head and he removes his hand, creeping closer to Roy's desk. I sigh and with a glance back at the others, Breda's urging me to keep going, but Falman and Kain look like they are going to be sick. I move closer to his desk, hearing cute little snores coming from the Flame Alchemist, who's head is cushioned on his arm. He looks adorable with his tousseled hair and his usually unemotional mask is dropped, showing slight dark bags under his eyes.  
_He must have been staying later than the rest of us.  
_Jean gestures me to hold his face up a little, and I do.  
_Wow, his face is smoother than I thought it would be. I can see why people call him baby-faced behind his back.  
_I watch as Jean uncaps the marker, before slowly marking the stoic Flame Alchemists face. After a while, Breda whispered harshly,

"The hawk is returning to the nest! The hawk is returning to the nest!"

Jean quickly caps the marker and returns to his seat, leaving me holding the Colonel's face. I use one hand to fix his arms, before laying his head down on them, so he won't hurt himself when Riza comes in. He mutters something under his breath, but I don't listen to it, as I rush back to my seat. I sit just as Riza walks in, a huge pile of papers in her arms. The five us resume working, hoping she doesn't notice our nervousness. She sighs as she notices Roy sleeping, and dumps the stack of papers on his desk, creating a loud banging noise. Roy's head pops up like a jack-in-the-box and as I see his face, I can't help but burst out laughing. Jean and the others join in, and I notice Riza has a slight smile on her face. He looks at all of us laughing, a tick mark pulsing on his forehead.

"What the hell are you all laughing at?"

"See for yourself, sir."

Riza says, handing him a small mirror. He holds it up to his face and he yelps, making us laugh even harder. On his forehead, along with the tick mark, is the word 'Lazy' in caps. He's become a cat, with a black nose and thin whiskers, a spiral surroundes his right eye, and all black around his left, creating a black eye. Before Roy can yell at us, who better than the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother comes waltzing in. Ed takes one look at Roy's face, before falling to the ground and laughing his ass off. Al chuckles and Roy yells,

"NOW WHO THE HELL DID THIS?!"

"I always thought you were more of a dog person, Colonel. But I gotta say, cat does suit you."

Ed comments, with a semi-straight face. The look Roy gives him sends us all back into laughing, and I wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes. He looks at Jean and says,

"Do you have a death wish, 2nd Lieutenant Havoc?"

Jean rubs the back of his head and says,

"Why do you always suspect it's me?"

"Maybe it's because you're THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS ENOUGH GUTS TO PULL PRANKS ON ME!"

"That doesn't necessarily mean I was the one that did it this time."

Jean retorts. Roy's tick mark grows bigger and he exclaims,

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DRAW ON MY FACE FOR?!"

"We couldn't help it sir. We were bored out of our minds and you were sleeping, so yeah..."

I say, trailing off at the end because of the smoldering glare Roy's giving me. The drawings on his face though, don't prevent me from giggling again and he exhales deeply. He stands and moves towards the door, his hands clenched at his sides. He pulls open the door and the force of his slamming of the door, makes his papers fall to the ground. I stand and kneel down to help Riza pick up his papers, and she comments,

"Major Hastens, did you consider waking the Colonel up?"

I handed her a few papers and reply,

"It might have crossed my mind, Lieutenant, but boredom will make you do things."

She smiles and we both stand, placing the papers back on his desk. She places her hand on my shoulder and says,

"I suggest next time that you do something less elaborate."

I nod and state,

"Yes of course sir."

I return back to my seat and we all converse quietly, before the door is pushed open. Jean and the rest of us shut up and resume working quietly, each sharing glances with each other. I watch out of the corner of my eye and see Roy sit down at his desk, his face freshly scrubbed of the permanent marker. He notices me watching and states,

"Let this be a warning to all of you. Watch your backs, because I will get you back."

We all reply with a 'Yes Sir' and continue the paperwork. I could imagine Roy already scheming to get me and Jean back, so I had to be extra cautious. I face palm and sigh, one thought running through my head,  
_And this is why I will never help Jean out with any of his schemes ever again._

Finish!  
This did actually happen, the drawing on the face part of it though.  
I was the one that volunteered my sharpie and my two dude friends wrote on the kids face.  
My sharpie was silver, because they were drawing on an African American's face.  
No, we weren't being racist, it was just he was always sleeping and our teacher didn't seem to give a fudge.  
Please Review!  
They make me feel loved!  
-PC101


	2. Roy's Revenge

**Hey everyone!  
So you know how I was saying this story would be a one shot?  
Yeah, I lied.  
Kris: *GASP* How could you PC?  
Bah, whatever. I just had an idea and thought to add more.  
Kris: Pssh, sure…  
Just do your thing, alright?  
Kris: *SIGH* PC doesn't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters.  
Thank you. Read, Enjoy and Review my lovely readers! **

I had expected for the Colonel to extract his revenge on Jean. I hadn't expected for him to pull me into it.

**(Two hours before)**

"Major Harkens, do you have any plans for this evening?"

"Trying to get a piece of Kris, sir?"

Breda asks, and I toss my pen at him before replying to the Colonel.

"I had planned on finishing the novel I've been reading and feeding my dog. Why?"

A smirk appears on his face and he leans back in his chair.

"Excellent. I assume you know of the bar a few blocks from here?"

"I don't, sir. I don't drink."

I say, tapping the surface of the desk with my fingers. He gives me a surprised look and states,

"Really now?"

I nod and he chuckles. I give him a funny look and ask,

"Is there a reason why you asked?"

"No reason. Just that you're going on a date with Jean-"

"Wha?!"

I cut him off and shoot him an incredulous look. He just shrugs and explains his plan to me. When he finishes, my mouth is pressed into a thin line and Kain says,

"Isn't that a little outrageous, sir? He and Kris just drew on your face."

Roy looks him in the eyes and replies,

"I want to let him know not to do it again. This should be enough."

I roll my eyes and snag an extra pencil from Jean's desk, just as he and Vato walk in. Jean flounces to his seat, a giddy look on his face, and Breda leans forward and states,

"What's up with that happy go lucky look on your face?"

Jean leans back in his chair and says excitedly,

"Falman set me up with a friend of his. I'm nervous and excited at the same time."

"How do you know this girl isn't a complete suck up like him?"

Breda replies, jabbing his thumb in Falman' s direction. I shoot Breda a glare, making him smirk and shrug. I continue working as he and Jean talk about what his date could look like. I desperately try not to snap the pencil I'm holding in half, when the Colonel calls out to me,

"Major Harkens, didn't you say you had some urgent business to attend to?"

I know what he's implying and I stand, placing the pencil on Jean a desk.

"I believe I do. Thanks for the reminder, Sir."

I send him the angriest glare I can muster up, and leave the room without a word, slamming the door slightly.

**(Back at the Bar)**

So here I was, sitting at this small bar with a glass of water in front of me. I don't drink, but since I HAD to come here, I would just drink water. As I sat here, shivers running through me, I had regretted not bringing my black sweat shirt with me to wear. Then again, I hadn't expected to be waiting this long for him to arrive. After sitting a few minutes more, I was about ready to get up and leave, but then I heard the bartender say quietly,

"Your date has arrived."

I would have been surprised, but Riza had dropped the hint that people would know of the Colonel' s plan. I nod my thanks to the man, who moves to fill up my water, before moving to the other customers. I grasped the glass, and before I could take a sip, I hear a voice ask,

"Are you Alia?"

Alia? If the Colonel came up with that name... Let's just say he had a lot coming for him. Instead, I take that gulp of water and reply,

"Who wants to know?"

"Jean Havoc does."

Well, here goes nothing. I turn to face him and say, a smile on my face,

"That's me. Sorry to be so rude."

He chuckles and slides onto the bar stool next to me, waving the bartender over,

"It's alright. I hope I didn't keep you waiting long, my Boss wouldn't let me leave earlier."

Huh, that's believable. I watch him speak easily with the bartender, cracking a few jokes before turning back to me. He eyes my drink and asks,

"Vodka?"

I laugh quietly and state,

"Just water. I don't drink."

He nods and I feel his eyes roam over me, before he asks,

"You look nice."

I feel my heart beat a little faster, and I have to calm myself down before saying,

"Um, thanks. That was my goal for tonight."

His cheeks darken slightly and he runs his fingers through his hair.

"I guess you prove a good point."

"Yeah..."

I take another sip of my water and I question,

"So Jean, tell me, if your boss was forcing you to do something, would you do it?"

He takes a drink from his glass before asking,

"Honestly, it would depend on what he wants me to do. If it was something outrageous, then no."

And here I sit wondering why the hell I didn't say no. He pulls something out of his pocket and I realize it's a pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out and before he lights it, he asks,

"Do you mind? My coworker took mine before she left the office."

"I don't mind. Just don't blow any smoke in my face please."

He nods and asks the bartender for a lighter. I quickly take in his clothing and I must admit, he looks mighty FINE. His black slacks match nicely with his faded blue dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The shirt brings out the blonde highlights in his hair. I hear him sigh and I tear my gaze from his clothing to see him smiling as he smokes. I can't help but laugh and state,

"You seem happy."

"Sorry, I'm not trying to ignore you or anything."

He states, removing the cigarette from his mouth and exhaling smoke. We spend the next few hours chatting, and I learn some interesting things about him. When he asks my profession, I just say,

"I'm a therapist."

He flashes me that cute rugged smile of his and states,

"That's interesting. So does that mean I can get a discount if I need some mental help?"

I laugh and he says,

"Have I mentioned your laugh is cute?"

I blush and look away slightly before replying,

"To your earlier question, it depends on how much help the person needs."

His hand reaches out and turns my face back to his, a genuine smile on his face,

"I'll have to make sure to clear out my bank account then."

"What do you mean?"

I ask, confused and flustered.

"Well, I can't very well make appointments if I've got no cash, now can I? And trust me,"

He brushes my bangs out of my eyes and continues,

"I plan on making MANY appointments."

My face must have looked like the color of Ed' s coat, I was so flustered. I admit, I've always had a little crush on Jean, but since he was always falling for the wrong chick, I just stood back and waited for him to realize he needs serious help with finding a steady girlfriend. I look into his blue eyes and see affection in them, and I want to tell him it's me, but I know it's probably for this fake person. I move his hand and tell him the price, making his eyes bug out and exclaim,

"I have to pay that much?"

"That's the discount. I normally charge more per hour for people that have as many problems as you do."

He laughs loudly and I can't help but smile as well. He wipes a tear from his eye and says,

"Okay then. I'll pay it. Can we meet tomorrow afternoon?"

Shit! How am I supposed to get out of the office before he does? Will Roy even let me leave?

"I think I've no appointments tomorrow, but I'll make sure. Do you know the little park a few blocks away from Eastern Headquarters?"

He nods and I continued,

"Can we meet around three? I never have appoints that late, so you'll be my last."

"Sure. I now have something to look forward to tomorrow."

He says, a grin pasted on his face. He snubs out his second cigarette, and takes a swallow of his drink. I finish my third glass of water, and I slide off my stool. He looks surprised and I say quickly,

"I'm just going to the ladies room. Be right back."

I lay my hand on his arm and give it a squeeze, before walking to the restroom.

** (Jean' s P.O.V.)**

How lucky was I? I watch Alia walk to where the restrooms are and she looks over shoulder and smiles her beautiful smile at me. I wave back and turn back to my drink. I slowly swirl the contents of my glass and think about the Angel I was able to spend my evening with. Her eyes, it's like looking at a lake when it's sunny outside, and her laugh is genuine, not like any of the laughter I've heard from any of the other girls I've dated. She does remind me of Kris a little bit, and if I saw both of them standing next to each other, I bet they would have looked like sisters. She looks amazing in a black blouse with that white skirt and plain flats. I let my thoughts drift I imagine Kris wearing something cute like that, but I shake my head to clear them. I must have been thinking hard, because I get slapped in the back of my head and I realize someone's been calling my name.

"What the!"

I exclaim, rubbing the back of my head and looking to the side.

"Well, I didn't know any other way to get your attention."

Roy slides into Alia' s empty seat and waves the bartender over. He orders his usual and says to me,

"How's your date going so far?"

I take a sip of my drink before replying,

"She looks a little like Kris, but I think I'm in love."

He smirks and takes a swig of his own drink. I look over at him and ask,

"So what brings you here boss?"

A goofy grin appears on his face as he says,

"I'm taking my girl on a late night stroll."

"I thought you were single?"

I said. I swear he goes through more girls in a week than I do in a month.

"Nah, it took me a while to snag her. I think I asked her out three times before she said yes. But you know what?"

He smiles into his drink and says,

"I think it was worth the wait."

I look at him and he seems happy over the thought of his girl. I look in the contents of my drink and think that's how content I want to look when I find a permanent relationship. I grin at the thought of that girl being a tough green eyed wonder with black hair pulled into a cherry red-

"Roy! I didn't think you were coming!"

I choke on my drink as the voice is so familiar. I cough as Roy pounds my back, and I shift my shoulders to make him stop. I stare deep into my drink as Roy chuckles and replies,

"Sorry love. Hope I didn't keep you waiting long."

"I almost thought of leaving, but this very handsome gentleman kept me company."

I feel her arm attempt to wrap around my broad shoulders and she asks,

"What's wrong Jean? You seem down."

I should feel down. Alia wasn't going on a date with me. She was waiting for Roy, who thinks so highly of her. I put on my bravest smile and turn to face her.

"Alia, you didn't tell me you were dating my boss."

She looks surprised and comments,

"Oh! Roy's your boss? I didn't know!"

"You ready for that walk?"

Roy asks, finishing the rest of his drink. She nods and then says to me,

"Thanks for tonight, Jean. I enjoyed myself."

She presses a kiss to my cheek and then smiles and continues,

"We still up for tomorrow afternoon?"

I nod and she beams.

"Great! Tomorrow then!"

"I'll be out in a second. I just need to have a word with Havoc."

Roy says. She nods and with a final smile at me, she turns and leaves. I turn back to my drink and I hear Roy state,

"Sucks that Alia' s taken, huh? I guess this is my revenge on you. Didn't I tell you to watch your back?"

He pats my shoulder and leaves. I curse and take a large gulp of my drink, slamming my glass down on the counter. The bartender eyes me warily, but he just moves to refill my drink. Fuck my life. Why I didn't think about this being a set-up? Roy just showing up and talking nonchalantly? I'm such an idiot! I sip the contents of my glass and curse again.. I hear something being laid in front of me, and I glance up to see a lighter. I flip open my carton of smokes and pull one out, light it, and take a large breath from it. As I exhale, my anger simmers down a little and I think to myself,

'I can't even cancel my appointment with her, I don't have her number. Well, I guess I'll have to muscle through it.'

**(Kris' s P.O.V)**

Roy and I were walking down the street, but I glanced in the window and saw Jean drowning his sorrows in alcohol. I frowned and look up at Roy, his hands deep in his coat pockets, a smug look on his face. He notices me looking at him and he says,

"Something wrong, Alia?"

"It's Kris, Colonel. Why the hell did u give me such a girly name?"

He keeps walking and replies,

"You have an appointment with Jean tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I'm a therapist."

He laughs but stops when I shoot him a glare. He shrugs and says,

"If that's what you want to be, fine. What time is this so called appointment?"

"About that..."

I stare at the ground and ask nervously,

"We agreed to meet around three, so I was wondering if I-"

"No."

I stare up at him and reply,

"I didn't even get to finish asking! Come on, please sir?"

He lowers his gaze to meet mine and he states,

"No means no, Major. I would suggest you do planned outings on your on time and not on my own."

"If I knew you were gonna be such an ass, I shouldn't have come at all."

I reply, holding my arms behind my head and looking up at the sky.

"You didn't have to do it, I could have asked one of my girls."

"One of your girls? Colonel, I swear, if you were a chick, I'd call you a whore. Since you're a guy, you're a manwhore."

He looks down at me and exclaims,

"A manwhore? I'm just a very handsome guy."

I choke back a laugh and he waggles his eyebrows at me.

"What? Don't believe me?"

"I'm not going to answer that question, sir."

I reply, blowing my bangs out of my face.

"I'm amazed he didn't realize it was you. Though, colored contacts and dying your hair was a good touch."

He says nonchalantly, as we stop at a crosswalk. I watch the cars drive by and comment,

"I was just going to go for a wig, but my friend suggested I just dye my hair straight black. I plan on washing it out when I get back to my apartment.."

We cross the street and we walk the next few blocks in silence. I peer up at him from under my lashes, and he looks lost in thought. I smile and stop in front of him. He looks down at me and I say,

"This where I say my goodbye, Colonel. See you tomorrow and goodnight."

He gives me a quick nod and walks back the way we came. I watch him walk past Calla, my friend that works at the cafe where I get my coffee in the mornings, without a backwards glance at her. 'Wow, no flirting from the womanizer? He must be thinking about something very intensely.' I laugh softly and continue back to my apartment. When I arrive, I slowly push open the door and grin when I see Ratchet sitting on my couch, his tongue hanging out and his tail wagging excitedly. I close the door and kick off my shoes, before approaching him. He scoots over and I collapse next to him, my head resting against the back of the sofa. He plops his head on my leg and whines low in his throat, and I scratch behind his ears lovingly. He rumbles and I sigh, saying,

"I wish all my problems were like yours, Ratchie. My life would be so much easier."

He raises his head to look up at me and his eyes sadden, making me chuckle and hug him tightly, burying my head in his thick fur.

"You always seem to know what to say to me."

He plants a wet kiss on my ear and I push him back and scold him playfully. He rolls off the couch and raises all of his paws in the air, playing his dead doggie card. I stand and poke him with my toes and head to my room, hearing him pad slowly behind me. I walk into my room, and he sits out by my door, laying down, placing his head under his paws and shutting his eyes tightly. I shake my head and quickly change into a plain green T-shirt and black shorty shorts. I hang the clothes I had just worn and tuck them back into the far part of my closet where I'll never wear it again. I move into the bathroom and grabbed my favorite blue towel, before turning on the sink faucet. I took a comb and wet it, before pulling it though my hair. After a while, I'm as frustrated as I am when I have to do endless piles of paperwork. I stick my head under the running water and massage my fingers through my hair, sighing as the warm water washes the black dye from my hair. When I'm satisfied that it's all gone, I grab the towel and dry my locks. When I hung the towel to dry, I looked at myself in the mirror and smirked at my hurricane tussled hair. I forgo on brushing my hair, so I grab a hair-tie and pull my hair into a bun. I run my hand over my red bangs, gone darker due to the doe and see my blue tips have faired the same. As I move to the kitchen, with Ratchet following behind me, I opt for some food and give Ratchet his dinner. He tucks in and I go back to the living room, scooping up my latest novel and situating myself into my comfortable reading position. Said position being me tucking my legs under me. I open up to where I last read and become engrossed in the story, the main character and her best friend fighting bad guys and then as the friend lay dying, they realized they should have been more. Yeah, clique stuff, but I can't help but feel reminded of a real life situation between me and a handsomely amazing blonde individual. I push the thought to the farthest corner of my mind and lock it in, before continuing on with the story. Soon, I was yawning and my eyes were starting to water from my yawning. I place my bookmark in the book, close enough to the end to where I should have just finished it. I look at the time and see its WAY past the time I should have been sleeping at for a person who has to wake up at the butt crack of dawn to go to work with a stingy, irritating, lazy ass boss. I trudge to my room and crawl under the covers, leaving room at the end of my bed for Ratchet. He leaps gracefully onto the bed and does his usual routine of walking over his sleep spot before actually laying down. I stare up at my ceiling, torrents of thoughts running through my brain, and I sort through them carefully. Eventually, my rushing thoughts and the small snores from my doggie roommate lure me into the deep darkness that is sleep.

**Muhahahahahaha!  
Kris: Why the evil laughter?  
It's nothing….. Hehehe.  
Kris: 0.o You're creeping me out…  
Wonderful. Hope you enjoyed this!  
Reviews are nice, motivates me to keep on writing even though I'm neglecting my other two stories.  
So yeah!  
Thanks for reading!  
-PC101**


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